Money for Nog

For most people, the holidays are a joyous time filled with family, festivities and fun. And it is for me, too. But there was one year where my love of the holidays took a dark, dark turn. I usually don’t think or talk too much about it, but as Christmastime approaches, I’m usually reminded. For the sake of posterity, I’ve decided to share my story.

If you know me, you know I enjoy a little recreational eggnog from time to time. When I was in college though, there was a period where my consumption crossed into much more dangerous territory. It wasn’t alcoholic eggnog; I didn’t put any rum or bourbon or anything like that in it. But even straight eggnog can bite.

It started innocently enough. I was grocery shopping during the holiday season. I had a modest grocery budget, but decided to splurge a little and buy some eggnog. “Why not? It’s the holidays! Live a little!” Little did I know that my harmless little indulgence would go so awry.

I got home, unloaded my groceries, and thought to myself, “You know what? I think I’ll enjoy a little sippy sip of that eggnog right now… just a small amount to take the edge off from shopping. What’s the harm in that?” So I poured a little into a glass and took a tentative sip. When it hit my lips, my body trembled and I felt a little weak in the knees. It was so, so good. I then proceeded to take a bigger sip. Then I gulped down the entire glass. I don’t think I could have drunk it slowly even if I’d wanted to.

I realized that gulping down the whole glass was not the most sensible move — plus I wanted to save some for later. Even though it was very challenging, I put the carton back in the fridge and walked away from the nog. But a few minutes later, I went back and drank some more. Then a few minutes after that, I drank even more. Within 30 minutes of coming home, all the nog was gone.

The next time I went to the store, I bought two cartons.

Every time I went to the store after that, I increased the amount of nog I purchased. After a while, I was spending most of my grocery budget on it.

Of course I kept my habit under wraps. In public no one was the wiser. But I’d come home from class, and just guzzle the nog. I wouldn’t even put it in a glass. I’d just open the carton and pour it straight down the ol’ gullet.

It’s interesting. When you’re drinking that much creamy sugary goodness, your appetite for everything else completely wanes. I’d come home absolutely starving, drink a couple gulps, and then I wasn’t hungry anymore. I don’t think I realized how little food I was actually consuming during that time. I was all about the nog.

Then tragedy hit. Everything had been fun and games while I had plenty in my stash, but then I ran out of nog — and didn’t have any more money. I started thinking of ways I could get more. Did I have anything I could sell? Maybe I could sell a few CDs, but really, that was unthinkable. Music may have been the one thing that was more important to me than eggnog. Maybe I could do odd jobs for a little extra cash. But everyone I knew was a broke college student like me and couldn’t afford to hire anyone for any tasks. Maybe I could sell my body into prostitution. Don’t think it didn’t cross my mind. I wasn’t sure I’d get any takers though. I decided my best option was to give blood. I have a semi-rare blood type, and I’d heard that the local hospital would actually pay for donations. So I went. I just needed money for nog, ok?

I got there, and they confirmed they did indeed pay for qualified donors. I filled out all the paperwork and ran through the preliminary tests to make sure everything would be okay with my donation. Please note, I’d donated blood countless times before with no problem. But this time I was notified that I was ineligible. According to the phlebotomist, “My protein levels were through the roof. In fact, they were at a very dangerous level.” I was shocked. I’d always been healthy and was in the prime of life. I asked what could cause such an issue. The phlebotomist answered that it could be any number of things, including… “consuming incredibly large amounts of dairy.”

That’s when I realized I’d hit rock bottom. I was trying to get money for more nog, and it was my dependence on that same delicious drink that was preventing me from doing it. It was time to clean up.

It wasn’t easy. I actually went cold turkey for several years, and didn’t drink any nog at all. I’d heard all the stories about how just one drink can send you spiraling back down, and I didn’t want that milk-based monkey on my back again. But after some more time, I decided that I could handle it. I felt I’d matured, and along with that, I’d gained a little more self-control. Fortunately, I can now enjoy a nice glass of eggnog responsibly. All things in moderation.

And really… thank God. I’m not sure they even sell it after January.